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The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter 21
October 7, 2003


Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent, raising Response-Able children.



My mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including my own), by helping parents learn practical, useable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.





1. Quote [back to top]


"Friends should definitely be wary about criticizing a child-raising practice without being asked. Often it is wiser to poke cobras with sticks."

----Anthony E. Wolf


2. Definition [back to top]


VERBAL: Able to whine in words.


3. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation [back to top]


What if the best answer you have today to the parenting concern that troubles you is just being there? Will you be fully present? Will you be content to let that be enough?


Subscriber comments, ideas, and concerns are valued. Email your

comment to



4. Bumper Sticker [back to top]


Seen in a motel parking lot in Rapid City, South Dakota:

It's 10:00 P.M. Do you know which Web site your children are on?


5. Make a Difference in Your Community [back to top]


Take a giant step toward helping the parents in your community. Become a skilled facilitator of the Parent Talk System by attending one of our upcoming training opportunities this fall or winter.

Join the growing number of people from around the world (USA, Mexico, Spain) who are learning how to help parents raise responsible, caring, confident children. We will help you learn to put the highly effective PARENT TALK skills into the hands of parents in your church, school, or organization.

You will leave this three-day training with the skills and confidence to touch the hearts and minds of parents in your community!

Parent Talk System Trainings:

1. Ithaca, NY
November 10, 11, 12, 2003
Trainer: Chick Moorman
Contact: Gina Tzizik at to request a detailed brochure and registration materials. Please include your mailing address.

2. Grand Rapids, MI
February 5, 6, 7, 2004
Trainers: Chick Moorman and Sarah Knapp
Contact: Chick Moorman at to request a detailed brochure and registration materials. Please include your mailing address.


6. The Wisdom of Children [back to top]


"When you want to stay home from school, you have to stay in the bathroom a long, long time."

----Joseph, age 11


7. Facts [back to top]


60% to 80% of adult sex offenders begin offending as adolescents.

Found in the background of most adolescent sex offenders is a history of physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, or family violence.


Privacy Statement: Under no circumstances do we sell, trade, or exchange your email address, ever. It is safe with us. Always!


8. Article: "Baby Talk" [back to top]


By Chick Moorman

When do babies begin to understand language? Maybe it's three months. Perhaps one month. Maybe they understand language on some level after one week. Understanding might even occur before birth. No one knows for sure.

One thing is certain, though: The communication pattern you establish with your baby before birth and immediately after sets the stage for the lifetime of communication that follows. So talk to your baby before birth and immediately after. Lovingly, soothingly share your feelings and desires with your baby.

Before birth, tell your baby:

"We are waiting for you. We want you and look forward to your arrival."

"We have a room all ready for you. We want you to feel as safe on the outside as you do on the inside."

"You have selected loving parents. We love you so much. You have already brought incredible joy into our lives."

"We are a little nervous about your birthing. We intend to make it as easy on you as we can."

"We wonder what you'll think of all this light, action, and attention. We wonder if you'll want to run right back to where you came from."

"This world will be a lot different from where you came from. We will do our best to help you adjust and find your way."

"We are reading books and articles on the Internet so we can be good parents to you. We have so much to learn. We will learn from you and with you."

"We are going to do our best to allow you to grow into the very best YOU that you can be. We have no preconceived notions of how you should be."

"You are welcome in our lives. You will change our lives in ways we are not even aware of. Although that's a bit scary to us, we love you immensely!"

After birth, tell your baby:

"We are so glad you are here. We love you very much."

"If we can make your first few days easy, we will do it. We will hold you and feed you and sing to you and hope that eases your transition."

"Sometimes we're not sure what you want and we feel helpless. But we'll keep right on loving you as we learn about you and your needs."

"There is a little child in each of us who needs to feel loved too. We will remember to love and nurture both you and our inner children."

"You are such a beautiful, sweet baby. We feel so honored to be your parents."

"We are so happy and also scared. Help us learn to be less scared and more joyful."

"What a blessing you are to our family! We are so glad you are finally here. You were certainly worth the wait."

No one knows for certain if your child understands the words you speak. No matter. Talk as if your baby does understand. Add appropriate gestures and facial expressions. Touch. Snuggle. Sing the words. Be loving as you speak to your baby. Keep your feelings congruent with your words. In time your baby's reactions will convince you that your words are getting through.

Chick Moorman is the author of "Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Child in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility" and "Spirit Whisperers: Teachers Who Nourish a Child's Spirit." (Available from Personal Power Press at (toll-free) 877-360-1477.)


9. Book Report [back to top]


Hi Chick,

Last night my wife and I took our two children to our daughter's elementary school open house to meet new teachers. During a break, I took our three-year-old son into the library. The librarian began a conversation with me, so I took that as an opportunity to tell her about your PARENT TALK book. She hadn't heard of it.

After listening to me rave about PARENT TALK and tell a few stories about how I use the skills with my children, she took down your name and contact information. She is in charge of the school's book fair and says she'll be ordering copies to promote at the upcoming book fair. Pretty cool, huh?

Curt from California

Dear Curt,

Yes, very cool! Thanks. Tell her I'll give her a quantity discount if she orders 20 or more. I appreciate your efforts.


Quantity discounts on PARENT TALK are available by calling Personal Power Press at (toll-free) 877-360-1477. Ask for the Book Fair Special.


10. Question and Response [back to top]



I read your PARENT TALK book and have been using it with my daughter, who is almost ten. When she asks for help with her schoolwork or with anything else and I tell her I feel she is able to do it, she accuses me of not wanting to help her. Yesterday she told me I was being mean by not helping her.

I am not sure how to respond to this situation. I did explain to her that I wanted to help her learn to do things on her own, but she doesn't understand this. Can you help?

Ruthann's Mother

Dear Ruthann's Mother,

Helping and "doing for" are two different things. Sometimes kids need help getting started. They may not understand a problem, they may have difficulty reading a word, or they may be unclear about directions. If you can show Ruthann an example, do one problem for her, or explain in your own words what the directions call for, it might be all the help she needs.

Give help to your child if she needs a boost to get started or definitely does not know how to do the task at hand. Then she can be on her own. If she gets stuck again, help her by asking questions, pointing to an example, or assisting her to think the problem through. Obviously, the goal is to have her do most of the work herself.

If you suspect your child needs attention more than help, suspend homework temporarily and do something together - read a story, play a game, toss the football around, or go for a walk. After connection has been achieved, she may be able to focus more easily on her studies.

Another strategy I recommend is the "act as if" or "pretend you can" idea presented in PARENT TALK.

Have fun.



11. Newsletter for Partners [back to top]


To celebrate the publication of our new book, "Couple Talk: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship," Thomas Haller and I have decided to create a newsletter for couples. This monthly venture, called "Couple Talk," will be similar to the parent newsletter you are currently reading. Thomas will edit the newsletter, and I will contribute articles and tips from time to time.

To subscribe to "Couple Talk," email and ask to be added to the Couples Newsletter.



12. Managing Your subscription [back to top]


A.) If you are receiving the newsletter as a forward and would like to insure that you get your personal free subscription, e-mail and request to be added to the parent newsletter.

B.) To remove yourself from this list, e-mail and ask to be deleted from the parent newsletter.

C.) Back issues of the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter can be found here.

D.) Are you interested in receiving our educator newsletter? If so, e-mail and request to be added to the educator newsletter list.

E.) Please recommend this free e-newsletter to any parent who is interested in adding tools to their parenting tool box.

F.) Please notify us if your e-mail address is about to change. Send your name and new e-mail address to Be sure to let us know your old e-mail address so we can unsubscribe it.


To find out more about workshops, seminars, and keynote addresses presented by Chick Moorman contact him at toll free, 877/360-1477 or email


Copyright 2003 Chick Moorman Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.


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