"Watch the tendency to make excuses, give warnings, or let things slide
just this once. This is a great way to teach your child that you don't
really mean what you say and that its okay to disrespect your boundaries."
"Please make a different choice."
Often when children are disruptive or behave inappropriately, parents
attempt to change their behaviors by overpowering them with commands and
orders. This creates resistance. "Please make a different choice," is
Parent Talk that leaves no doubt that you feel the child needs to behave
differently, but leaves the decision of how to respond to them. This style
of Parent Talk shares some of the power with the child and allows them
to maintain responsibility for their own behavior.
Other Parent Talk alternatives here, include:
"Please choose differently."
"That choice is not working. Please choose again."
"I'd prefer to see a different choice."
If you haven't already been speaking to you child using this skill,
you could make a different choice.
Adapted from page 11, Parent Talk: Words that Empower, Words That Wound
by Chick Moorman is available from Personal Power press by calling (toll
Those who say they sleep like a baby haven't got one.
4. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
What if you only focused today on what your child is doing right?
Could you play this game of selective noticing consciously and enjoy
We are currently looking for people to become trainers in The Parent
Talk System. If you interested in making a difference in your community
and would you like to bring effective parenting to the parents and children
in your school, church, group, or neighborhood, this training could be
for you. The next Training of Trainers is July 25-27 in Dearborn, MI.
Request a brochure and additional information at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Subscriber comments, ideas, and concerns are valued. Email your
comment to IPP57@aol.com
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or exchange your email address, ever. It is safe with us. Always!
Take a full cut!
6. Back Issues
Back issues of both the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter and the Response-Able
Educator Newsletter are available at www.chickmoorman.com.
Click on resources. Then click on newsletters. ==========================================================
7. Parent Talk Audio Cassette Tape Series
"The Language of Response-Able Parenting," audio cassette tape series
is near completion. Read on for the special prepublication offer.
Chick Moorman is featured on this 5 cassette series, detailing the strengths
of the Parent Talk System. Judith Minton, Voice Works Seminars owner,
interviews Chick, asking those questions that most parents want answered.
Topics include how to develop controlled choice for children, praise
that creates a strong internal sense of self-esteem, self-referenced comments,
and the importance of building an inner authority. Also covered are Core
beliefs and life sentences, Be-cause, combating the "fighting mad" response,
the permission-giving alternative, making yourself dispensable, the problem-return
technique, corrective feedback, enforceable statements, and much more.
Side 1: The Parent Talk System Overview
Side 2: The Power Of Choice
Side 3: Response-Ability
Side 4: Learned Helplessness
Side 5: Solution-Seeking
Side 6: Effective Praise
Side 7: Reducing Family Conflict
Side 8: Communicating Anger Side
9: Managing Negative Behaviors
Side 10: Parent Talk Tools
SPECIAL PREPUBLICATION OFFER "The Language of Response-Able Parenting,"
audio tape series will sell for $39.95. A prepublication price of $29.95
is now available. Simply order before July 15th take advantage of this
special offer. Order by calling toll free, 877-360-1477 or email email@example.com.
by Chick Moorman
My daughter Jenny's right leg swung forward with equal amounts of force
and precision. Her foot connected squarely with the soccer ball and sent
it on an arching path over the goalie's head, under the crossbar, and
into the net. The goal, her first in 43 American Youth Soccer Organization
games, was greeted with the traditional back-slaps, high fives, and wide
The spontaneous 90-second celebration that followed Jenny's first goal
was warm, genuine, and esteem-enhancing. It recognized her individual
accomplishment as well as the total team effort. But more importantly
for us, it served as a signal to activate one of our favorite family rituals,
for Jenny had just achieved a First.
Firsts: This term has special meaning in our family and is cause for
celebration. Firsts are defined as any event, success, or goal achievement
that occurs for the first time. These Firsts are benchmarks in our lives
that signal an active participation in life and a willingness to take
risks. They are visible reminders of our growth. As such, they deserve
special recognition. Some Firsts we have recognized include: Randy pitching
a shut-out; Matt learning how to read; me publishing the "Our Classroom"
book; Jenny getting on the honor roll; me doing a workshop for teachers
in a foreign country; and Matt learning to ride his bike.
Our celebration of each First is done on purpose, with a specific format,
for a specific reason. We showcase Firsts by going out to dinner together.
The individual who achieves the First becomes the focus person. He or
she chooses both the time and place for the celebration.
At the appointed time we come together as a family to share a meal,
acknowledge the individual, and practice our collective caring. The focus
person takes the spotlight and tells about his special moment, communicating
feelings, reactions, impressions, or any new goals he or she has set.
The rest of the family listens without interrupting the narrative.
When the focus person has finished sharing, the rest of us participate
by telling what we liked about either the First or the reaction of the
person who produced it. Informal conversation follows until the conclusion
of our celebration.
Celebrating firsts help us achieve two important goals simultaneously.
The activity allows us to connect as a family as well as celebrate the
uniqueness of the person being honored. I hope you will steal this idea
and use it with your family, but remember, we did it first.