The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter 4
July 16, 2002
Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent,
raising Response-Able children.
My mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication
skills (including my own), by helping parents learn practical, useable
verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.
IN THIS ISSUE
"Wolverines, mice, herons, and wolves seem to accept without difficulty
the sacrifices required of them as parents. Among birds, sometimes the
male sits on the eggs, sometimes the female. Among wolves, sometimes the
male wolf endures the endless irritating play of the cubs, sometimes the
female endures it; sometimes both become thin in their felt need to give
food to the cubs first. Extreme conditions such as enforced zoo life can
destroy such habits, but flight from parental maturity is rarely seen
in the animal kingdom."
"Big boys don't cry."
"If you keep crying, you'll never go again."
"If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about."
"Are you going to be a crybaby or a big boy?"
Parent Talk like the sentences above tells the child it is not okay
to have feelings. It communicates, "Numb out, stuff your feelings, pretend
they don't exist, and act like everything is fine when it isn't." This
is how we create 35-year-olds who cannot feel their feelings, much less
express them in articulate, non-blaming ways.
Instead of demanding the child suppress his or her feelings, grant
in fantasy what you won't in reality.
"You'd really like to stay at the park all day, wouldn't you?"
"You wish you could have the biggest ice cream cone ever?"
"You'd like to stay up as late as your sister."
Or reflect the child's feelings back so the child feels heard.
"You seem really frustrated with this long line."
"You're angry that Sarah doesn't give you a turn."
"You feel angry that you get only one cookie."
Create a cry-free zone.
"Jerrod, it's okay to cry in this family, but you need to do it upstairs.
This is a cry-free zone."
"Suzie, my ears are hurt by the crying. I'd like you to cry upstairs for
awhile to give my ears a break. Come back down when you are finished crying."
It's okay to have feelings. It's okay to express our feelings. It's
okay to cry. Listen to your Parent Talk this week. Does your language
reflect these beliefs?
"Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound" is a 280-page hardback
book by Chick Moorman. It is available through Personal Power Press at
(toll free) 877-360-1477 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
3. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation [back to top]
What if this upsetting child-rearing situation was merely an opportunity
given to you to create something new? Would you want to? What would you
We are currently looking for people to become trainers in The Parent
Talk System. If you interested in making a difference in your community
and would you like to bring effective parenting to the parents and children
in your school, church, group, or neighborhood, this training could be
for you. The next Training of Trainers is July 25-27 in Dearborn, MI.
Request a brochure and additional information at email@example.com.
Subscriber comments, ideas, and concerns are valued. Email your
comment to IPP57@aol.com
Privacy Statement: Under no circumstances do we sell, trade,
or exchange your email address, ever. It is safe with us. Always!
My child is eating solids now...keys, bits of newspaper, crayons, etc.
6. Parent Talk Audio Cassette Tape Series [back
"The Language of Response-Able Parenting," a 5-cassette tape series,
is in production and will be ready for delivery in two weeks. July 24th
is the deadline to take advantage of the special pre-publication offer
of $29.95. On July 25th the price will become $39.95.
Judith Minton asks the questions most parents want answered and Chick
Moorman provides the answers, describing the skills of The Parent Talk
System. Effective praise, the power of choice, solution seeking, stamping
out learned helplessness, communicating anger without wounding the spirit,
and managing negative behaviors are only a few of the concepts presented.
Topics include how to develop controlled choice for children, praise
that creates a strong internal sense of self-esteem, self-referenced comments,
and the importance of building an inner authority. Also covered are Core
beliefs and life sentences, Be-cause, combating the "fighting mad" response,
the permission-giving alternative, making yourself dispensable, the problem-return
technique, corrective feedback, enforceable statements, and much more.
Side 1: The Parent Talk System Overview
Side 2: The Power Of Choice
Side 3: Response-Ability
Side 4: Learned Helplessness
Side 5: Solution-Seeking
Side 6: Effective Praise
Side 7: Reducing Family Conflict
Side 8: Communicating Anger Side
9: Managing Negative Behaviors
Side 10: Parent Talk Tools
SPECIAL PREPUBLICATION OFFER "The Language of Response-Able Parenting,"
audio tape series will sell for $39.95. A prepublication price of $29.95
is now available. Simply order before July 15th take advantage of this
special offer. Order by calling toll free, 877-360-1477 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
by Teri Goggin
On the morning of Tuesday, September 11th, Kate Cain-Bell
was fully immersed in teaching "something important" to her
first grade class at Richboro Elementary School, in Richboro, Pennsylvania.
Not long into the day, the principal asked her to step out
of the classroom for a moment. There in the hallway, she heard about the
devastation in New York and Washington, DC. It was difficult for her to
grasp the news, let alone try to explain it to innocent minds, so she
agreed with the school’s decision not to inform the children.
When Kate returned to her waiting charges, the class work
seemed pale in comparison to the significance of the day’s events. As
a deeply spiritual woman, she felt compelled to impact the world in a
positive way during the time of such a crisis. An idea leapt to mind.
She drew in a breath, walked to the front of the class and made a request.
"I want each of you to imagine the most beautiful thing
you can think of. Hold that thought in your mind and then send it out
to the world. Can you all do that?"
A sea of young faces nodded.
"Okay. Let’s do it."
An with that, a wave of beauty was sent out into a world
At the end of the day, Kate wanted her class to be prepared
with some knowledge that they wouldn’t be walking into the same world
they’d left that morning. Another idea blossomed. She stood in front of
the class again.
"Remember when I asked you to send out your beautiful
thought to the world?"
After pausing to accept their nods, Kate continued. "Well,
while you were sending out your beauty, someone else sent something-not-so-beautiful
into the world."
Kate paused again, to see if her young charges understood.
One little girl piped up, "Well, when I get home I’ll
send them something beautiful right back."
In the midst of tragedy, triumph comes in many forms. This
time, it came in the form of a young child who learned a lesson that was
truly "something important."
You may contact Kate Cain-Bell at email@example.com.
8. Send Beauty Project [back
Dear Newsletter Subscribers,
The "Send Beauty" article has been posted on my Website for several
months now in the Spirit Whisperer collection. Recently Teri Goggin contacted
me, requesting my support for the Send Beauty Project. Unequivocally,
she has my support.
The Send Beauty Project celebrates the unstoppable power of beauty.
The intent of this project is to promote the choice of beauty by sending
a wave of beautifully hand-drawn pictures, created by children everywhere,
to a place where beauty is needed right now - Afghanistan.
Teri is committed to generating over 10,000 drawings from children worldwide
by the end of summer. To help make this happen, a Website about the Send
Beauty Project has been created. Visit www.sendbeauty.org to learn more
and see samples.
Here are some examples:
"I send you the beauty of a rose because I care." (Nicole, age 11) The
card is illustrated with a brilliant red rose.
"I send you the beauty of world peace (no fighting) because I care."
(Kathryn, age 11) The card depicts a serene countryside.
"I send you the beauty of a creative mind because I care." (Jessica,
age 8). The card shows the smiling face of a young girl with a "thinking
bubble" above her head filled with a rainbow.
Please help fill the world with beauty. Pass it on.
Chick Moorman Editor =========================================================
To find out more about workshops, seminars, and keynote addresses
presented by Chick Moorman contact him at toll free, 877/360-1477 or email IPP57@aol.com
Copyright 2002 Chick Moorman Seminars, all rights reserved. Share
this with your circle.